0

Last of the year.

Hiya Everyone.

Last of the year post for me.  Not a fashion post also. A year round up. If you will.

This has been a extremely tough year. A lot of thing have happened.
A old love leaving. A new flame Burned out before its time.  It has not been the greatest of years. Tho i have tried very hard to keep things together, I have failed.

I was with my partner for 20 years. ( in the real world ). A very long marriage. It took me across the world. It was not all roses and delights. But it was right.With the recent ending of this. It has shook me to the very core. I’ve been beside myself with all manners of thoughts and feelings about this. It is not something that i would wish upon anyone.
Though i know a lot of people go through it also. I feel your pain and am sorry that you had to endure it also.

“The new flame that burned out way too soon.”
Things have been ok in SL. sort of… i met a lot of really nice people. Some asshats. But mainly it has been good.  I did meet someone in sl. But the time was just not right.
I was unable to be the person that i am. It ended .Now there is little to no chance of that being able to be rekindled. Right now, i do not think it would be wise to even attempt.
I can’t say what will happen in the future. But i am more inclined to say No to any relationship attempts.
With the amount of mind games and Chinese whispers that have been played. I feel that i would rather not participate in such things in the future.
Not that i have bad feelings towards anyone. But it is not something i’d feel comfortable doing anymore. I would rather walk away from all of that.
As i no longer care what people think of me.  Weather they wish to believe the truth or what made up story they have in their heads. It is all irrelevant, This door is now closed.

“Fake friends Who are so quick to stab you in the back, if you do not conform to their way of life.. instead of accepting you/growing with you.. Are no friends of mine… Fuck em..” – Jelly 12/23/2018..

” To 1019 and beyond……..”
Who knows what is going to happen.  Very shortly i will be moving countries again ..
Not the first time for me to do this. But at least i’m finally going home.
Though i never understood when a friend had told me, 21 yrs ago.. ” Home is anywhere”.
He was right. Home is anywhere . If you are comfortable … For the past 20 yrs i have not been comfortable.
I do want to get back into making items for Second Life. It is somewhat of a passion to build and create new mesh items.
With the small fan base that i have acquired over the years it is a pleasure to bring these new items to the world.

I hope i will see you in the second half of 2019. As the start i am unsure i will have a computer to do anything on. Or internet…. Please don’t forget me.. as i will not forget you.

I hope you all have a wonderful Xmas and a extremely safe New year.
Thank you for taking a moment out of your day to read.

Jelly. ❤

 

Advertisements
0

Why am i like this?

Sorry everyone this isn’t a fashion blog post, It’s a written one.

I’ve been pretty much MIA for awhile now.

There has been good reason for it. A lot of things in RL have forced my hand. Sadly to the point of breaking. not literally … metaphorically.

Depression , Anxiety, Divorce, A handful of other things have happened over the past few years.

All i seem to do is hurt people. I don’t want to hurt anyone.
It’s extremely hard for me to let anyone get close. with the constant fear of hurting them Which inevitably Always happens…
When this feeling comes. I have no choice but to walk away … Run away..  Not to save myself.. To save them the pain that i cause. Yes it is not the best.. And so many people do not understand why i do this. Why i have always done this.
No one will tell me it’s a good thing. It isn’t. But it will happen. Time and time again.

70% of the time. I wear a mask. A mask of happiness. To cover the pain i feel inside.
Given my RL situation. I try my best to make others happy way before myself.
It’s part of my nature.
Some see through this. Accuse me of being fake. The only thing i am guilty of being fake. Is how i feel about myself.
You do not understand. Its ok.
Very recently i split from my GF in SL. She was perfect. BUT i could see that i was hurting her. I tried to hold on to make things work To see if i could shake the pain i had inside.. But i could not change how i was feeling.
So i left …. To save her from the pain i was causing.
Some may see this as me being a fake person.. Some may even accuse me of using people.. I have nothing horrid to say about anyone unless you bring horridness to me first.  Words have always been exchanged with some related people to this situation.
I have nothing bad to say to you. But like you claimed.. You do not know what is going on.
I hope this post will enlighten you some.

If you love someone enough.. Set them free.

I know i was causing pain.. I just hope they know my intentions in leaving were never bad. It was the right thing to do in my mind. Sadly no one will be able to convince me otherwise. It was my choice.

People get mad. People get upset. People say things they don’t truly mean.
I’m ok with all of that.
I do not deserve to be in a relationship. I do not want to bring anyone close to me again.
I WILL only hurt you.

There is no magic words , Nothing anyone can tell me to make me realize what a asshole i’ve been. Nothing can change my situation. Nothing……. it is something i have to do for myself. Eventually i will get there. Once i figure out where there is.

I’ve not been creating for my store in secondlife.
Right now, you’d be getting half assed products not worth a damn penny.
So why bother?
Eventually that will change and i will be able to get back to my passion.

Not making anything. Makes me feel like even more of a looser than i already am.
Time is what is needed. Time to get my RL sorted and mental state changed.
It will happen. I want this to change. I need it to change.

I do not expect anyone i’ve hurt to still be there when i get myself back to a decent state.
Would be amazing if they are?.. But i doubt it… I understand if not.

So if you wanted to know what was going on. With me, Or the Skittish brand.
Now you know.

You do not have to like this or comment on it.
The fact that if you even read it. is enough.

Please be safe . Enjoy your secondlife.

I hope things work out better for you then they will for me.

Jelly.

 

P.S. Only 1 person is muted out of all of this. She was told she was because of being so hellishly uninformed about the situation. Maybe she will read this and change her mind on how “Fake” i am .. Maybe not.. its ok either way. That chapter is now closed anyways.

P.P.S  If any of the other party wishes to reach out?…. I’d suggest after February 10th of next year……. before this time… Pleasant results may not be guaranteed. Not because i do not want to talk to anyone. But because i am not in a good place. Mentally as well as physically.

 

Please understand. I do everything…. to protect others from myself.

 

 

0

Now that you are gone, I can finally breath again.

Snapshot_028

BODY STUFF:

SKIN:
Pink Fuel Doll V2
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/20845

BODY:
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara.
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/14076

Eyes:
-SU!-
Darcey Eyes Fatpack
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/38578

HAIR:
TRUTH HAIR Rowan – gingers
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/13

HEAD:
CATWA
HEAD Alice
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/29673

 


CLOTHES STUFF:

COLLAR:
-SU!- Grotos Collar
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/38578

DRESS:
Skittish
– Mini Dress+HUD  (Coming soon)
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/171059

BOOTS:
Skittish – GOGO boots+HUD (Suicide Dollz event)
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/171059

BRACELETS:
The Horror Donna Bracelets
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/145374

TATTOO:
GUHIT
– Paragon Tattoo
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/152397

 

Suicide Dollz LM
http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Raven%20Wood/41/155/2504

0

Killin Time

snapshot_012

BODY STUFF:

SKIN:
Pink Fuel Doll V2

BODY:
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara.

Eyes:
::MeowAndStuff:: Ruin(SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT)

HAIR:
[LCKY] Nami

HEAD:
CATWA
HEAD Alice

 


CLOTHES STUFF:

COLLAR:
+XAnSA+ Quasi SModo (SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT)

DRESS:
!TLB –
Ingrid Dress (SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT)

SHOES:
:: D-Style – Studded Ballet Shoes(SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT)

BRACELETS:
*MUKA* Claire

CUFFS:
Toast –  Fashion Cuffs(SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT)

HEAD CHAIN:
:Z.S: Chained V3(SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT)

LEG HARNESSES:
Nana – Dakota Leg Harness(SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT)

RINGS/CLAWS:
Candy Crunchers – leona Rings/nails (SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT)

TATTOO:
[PU] May Tattoo (SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT)

snapshot_014

0

Killin it

snapshot_005

BODY STUFF:

SKIN:
7 Deadly s[K]ins – Cinnamon (SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT  11/5/2016)

BODY:
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara.

Eyes:
[Buzz] Crystal Eyes – Angel

HAIR:
TRUTH HAIR Deja

HEAD:
CATWA
HEAD Alice

MAKEUP:
Vengeful Threads
– Catwa & Omega – Blinded Seeker Facepaint(SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT  11/5/2016)

 


CLOTHES STUFF:

COLLAR:
.aisling. Lisira Collar

SHIRT:
.epoch. olivia sweater / maitreya(SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT  11/5/2016)

SHORTS:
.epoch.
olivia shorts / maitreya / black(SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT  11/5/2016)

SHOES:
:: D-Style
-F**k me Boots (SUICIDE DOLLZ EVENT  11/5/2016)

BRACELETS:
*MUKA* Claire

BACKPACK:
Nana – Trick-or-treat Bat Backpack

LATEX:
MdlM
Transparent latex catsuits

snapshot_003

0

Creating All Your Fears

snapshot_039

BODY STUFF:

SKIN:
[PF] <Crystal> – Doll V2

BODY:
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara.

Eyes:
[Buzz] Crystal Eyes – All Browns

HAIR:
Clawtooth:
LADY LULU Prize 4

HEAD:
CATWA
HEAD Alice

LIPSTICK:
.:Avanti:. Stella Lipsticks (Suicide dollz event)


CLOTHES STUFF:

CHOAKER:
tapi :: penta choker

SHIRT:
[I<3F] Shirt [07]

SHOULDER JACKET:
[I<3C] Open Jacket 01 (Suicide dollz event)

SKIRT:
[I<3F]
Skirt [01]

LEGGINGS:
[I<3F]
Leggings [04] – Black

SHOES:
REIGN.
– COMBAT PLATS- Black

HAT:
RO –
SpellBinder – Hecate

BACKPACK:
Nana – Trick-or-treat Bat Backpack

CUFFS:
RR- Vixen Leather training

[I<3F] MAIN STORE

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Tuscan%20Hills/136/133/22


snapshot_032 snapshot_028

2

I am Nowhere

snapshot_004


BODY STUFF:

SKIN:
[PF] <Crystal> – Doll V2

BODY:
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara.

Eyes:
[Buzz] Crystal Eyes – All Browns

HAIR:
Clawtooth:
LADY LULU Prize 4

HEAD:
CATWA
HEAD Alice

LIPSTICK:
.:Avanti:. Stella Lipsticks (Suicide dollz event)


CLOTHES STUFF:

HOODIE:
.epoch. hallow hoodie  (Suicide dollz event)

LEGGINGS:
[I<3C] Open Leggings 01 (Suicide dollz event)

SHOES:
[MODA] AKASHA PLATFORM BOOTS & HUD -VINY

HAT:
Nana – Beast Cap (Suicide dollz event)

BRACELETS:
*MUKA* Claire


POSE:
BellePoses
– Violet  (Suicide dollz event)

PUMPKIN IN CAGE:
AsteroidBox. Dangerous Pumpkin (Suicide dollz event)


snapshot_008snapshot_009